Saturday, August 23, 2014
Kook is Force Medicated after Demanding Right to Commit Sex Crimes While not Employed by the NSA
By Lou Saboter
In the proud tradition of our true founding fathers, an errant dissident has been delivered into the loving arms of Big Pharma in order to help remove his thoughts that others said were disturbing their enjoyment of Drone Nightly.
"Thanks to subsidies, the medicating of Lou Saboter and his ilk will improve our profit margins," said Gene Cassidy, Deputy Commission of the Ministry of Food Drugging. "Plus, he is now on a diet of GMOs and fluoridated water, so his future neighbors won't have to worry about his outbursts of insight."
"He also used hate speech," said Jill Connolly, a neighbor. "Once he said that ex-President Obama took a long time to produce his birth certificate. As if Kenyans are the only ones that take three years to do that."
Lou Saboter was afflicted with many mental illnesses including birtherism, tentherism, do-gooderitus, trutherictus, and conspiracidus.
"The torment it caused him was atrocious," said Alec Mortimer, his erstwhile therapist. "He said he felt like he was surrounded by zombie fascists. He even thought that my background in the NSA was somehow suspect."
After a neighbor noticed that Saboter's cat seemed a bit flabby, The Ministry of Animals came and determined he had removed his cat's RFID chip and that it was suffering from gas due to a lack of vaccinations.
After receiving the vaccinations, the cat died due to unknown causes, probably previous neglect.
Saboter was immediately sentenced to Thought Camp where he was given 150 electro-shock treatements, LSD, psilocybin, hydrotherapy, anti-psychotics, antidepressants, anti-dissidents, anti-antis, SOMA, and brain modification programming.
Afterwards, Saboter said he didn't remember anything except getting his tonsils removed.
"The nurse used to stick me in the butt," said Saboter. "With lots of needles. It seemed like, you know, too many needles. I know a song. Do you want to hear it?"
Saboter first elicited attention due to this petition he posted on an illegal website.
"He never fit in," said Fran Saboter, his sister, a telecom executive. "He always had to be different. I was really embarrassed in high school. He used to make fun of me for watching 90210 because he said the problems of rich people were ridiculous. Well, let me tell you something, big brother, rich people have problems too. What if black hoodlums come into my neighborhood?"
"He was weak," said Stan Stedly, his half-brother. "He couldn't just put on his game face like everyone else and go along. He had to put stuff out there. And it was all wrong. He thought people should all look out for each other like a bunch of wimps. At the Island, we put people in solitary if they wipe their nose wrong."
"I tried to beat the state into him," said Floyd Saboter, his father. "But he thought that the glorious NWO was a police state. He was totally delusional. This is what happens when you try to change something other than yourself. The world is supposed to change you into what it wants, but he didn't get that."
"Demons," said Stalactite Storm, his mother. "He was possessed."
"Daisy, daisy," said Lou Saboter. "Watch out for the third monolith. It's coming."
At that, Lou Saboter was tasered and dragged back into Thought Camp. Overall, it seemed very hopeful. Many a bad case has learned to be a productive member of society after treatment.