owns a patent on the ebola "invention", informed the New York Times that ebola cases could hit 1.5 million cases in 4 months. The news was met with the opening of an immense bottle of champagne, part of which was used to drown several beehives in a pharmaceutical ritual of some kind.
Locally, the Shill Factory has offered its services in the propagation of ebola vaccines, as has FGCU, and CVS.
Tom Cranin of the Shill Factory noted that his special relationship with the local police would help make sure the right people were inoculated.
"I'm referring to the migrant class," said Cranin. "I have nothing against Native Americans."
A CVS spokesperson said that once you quit smoking, it's a good time to get flu shots and try out several ebola cures in the same week, preferably in the same hour.
Karljohn Veraje, an instructor at FGCU, said he thought vaccines had an unnecessarily bad reputation.
"I used to be a substitute teacher," Veraje explained. "When I was in Albuquerque, I taught gifted classes and children with autism, ADHD, Down syndrome, and Tourette syndrome. Well, some of the schizophrenic kids were a touch annoying, accusing me of demon possession and all, but, in the main, most of the mentally challenged were much easier to work with. The gifted kids would actually try to sabotage everything you did. It's no surprise to me that vaccinations have been so broadly supported by the one true government."
Meanwhile, the therapy department at FGCU has sent out an email asking for students to turn in any classmates who say anything that the administration doesn't agree with "in order to facilitate the vaccination of future dissidents."
"In tandem with our rape hysteria tactics, we think we'll round them all up this way," said Tim Mcuslin, head of the Behavioral Creation and Aryanization Team.
The email began like this: DO YOU KNOW OF ANY PERSON (OTHER THAN ME) WHO IS DISPLAYING BEHAVIOR THAT CONCERNS YOU?
But in the middle of reading it militarized police came into the room through all entry points and tasered, gassed, and sedated me.
Affer dat got diffeekult ta ceep wrating.
Submitted by Lou Saboter stand-in: Later, it was reported that Sheriff Spott said that local massage parlors could also offer ebola vaccinations and they'd be called "The Extra Happy Ending."