The CDC, which owns a patent on the ebola "invention", informed the New York Times that ebola cases could hit 1.5 million cases in 4 months. The news was met with the opening of an immense bottle of champagne, part of which was used to drown several beehives in a pharmaceutical ritual of some kind.
Locally, the Shill Factory has offered its services in the propagation of ebola vaccines, as has FGCU, and CVS.
Tom Cranin of the Shill Factory noted that his special relationship with the local police would help make sure the right people were inoculated.
"I'm referring to the migrant class," said Cranin. "I have nothing against Native Americans."
A CVS spokesperson said that once you quit smoking, it's a good time to get flu shots and try out several ebola cures in the same week, preferably in the same hour.
"I used to be a substitute teacher," Veraje explained. "When I was in Albuquerque, I taught gifted classes and children with autism, ADHD, Down syndrome, and Tourette syndrome. Well, some of the schizophrenic kids were a touch annoying, accusing me of demon possession and all, but, in the main, most of the mentally challenged were much easier to work with. The gifted kids would actually try to sabotage everything you did. It's no surprise to me that vaccinations have been so broadly supported by the one true government."
Meanwhile, the therapy department at FGCU has sent out an email asking for students to turn in any classmates who say anything that the administration doesn't agree with "in order to facilitate the vaccination of future dissidents."
Submitted by Lou Saboter stand-in: Later, it was reported that Sheriff Spott said that local massage parlors could also offer ebola vaccinations and they'd be called "The Extra Happy Ending."
The effects of terrorism are straining the relationship between the National
Institutes of Health and residents who live adjacent to the agency's sprawling
Bethesda campus.
Problems began soon after the September 11 attacks, when federal officials made
plans to protect the 327-acre facility with a security fence, which also would
block residents' access to grassy fields and a Metro station. The situation
intensified when the agency began discussing plans to build a laboratory to
research germs and pathogens that could be used in biological attacks.
"We live in a different world now," said Tom Gallagher, director of
NIH's office of community liaison. "Our challenge, since we need a fence,
is how do you make a fence a friendly thing?"
Agency officials say they have tried. They designed the 9-foot-tall, cast-iron
fence so residents in the Edgewood-Glenwood community, on the campus' southwest
border, could still play soccer and go sledding. They also paved a bike path
and spent about $360,000 to replace lights that residents said were shining
into their homes.
The agency made the changes though it meant less security for some vehicles and
an on-campus playground for children of NIH employees.
Agency officials think the changes were worthwhile because the neighbors are
the agency's best security.
"They become our eyes and ears to watch for trouble," Mr. Gallagher
said.
Still, the neighbors say the changes are not enough.
"To be truthful, NIH continues to let the community down," said
Stephen Sawicki, president of the Edgewood-Glenwood Citizens' Association.
Association members are most upset because they think the lab could become a
target for terrorist attacks and because the fence has blocked their shortcut
to the Medical Center Metro station.
Lorraine Driscoll, who routinely walks across the campus to the metro stop,
said that when the fence is finished her mile-long walk will be twice the
length.
"That seems to go over the threshold," she said.
NIH has offered use of an employee shuttle, but neighbors say that will not
help.
The campus was built in 1938 and has become one of the world's foremost medical
research centers. The agency is part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human
Services, whose mission is to provide leadership and guidance to the
international scientific community. NIH has about 17,000 employees.
"We have asked NIH [officials] for three things and gotten nothing,"
said Mrs. Driscoll, president of the Huntington Terrace Citizens' Association.
"We asked that they not build the fence. But, if there had to be a fence,
we asked that they let the neighbors continue walking across campus to the
Metro. Third, we asked that they not build a large, Level 3 biohazard lab in
our densely populated neighborhood. NIH has not accommodated any of these
requests."
She also said the agency is not required to go through public hearings to
receive building permits, though officials have routinely met with residents to
discuss the fence project.
Mr. Gallagher could not be reached late yesterday to discuss this.
The Maryland-National Capital Park and Planning Commission has served as an
adviser on the issue and has held public meetings.
The commission made recommendations to the National Capital Planning
Commission, which has not commented on the project.
Schools to Develop Bioterrorism Vaccines
Univ. of Md. to Lead Multi-School Effort to Develop Vaccines to Protect Against
Bioterrorism
The Associated Press
BALTIMORE Sept. 5 —
The University of Maryland School of Medicine has been chosen to lead a
multi-school effort to develop vaccines to protect against bioterrorism, the
school announced Thursday.
The Middle Atlantic region will receive a five-year, $42 million grant from the
National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. Besides creating
vaccines to guard against anthrax, smallpox and West Nile virus, they will
study antibodies that could produce short-term protection.
"The events of 9-11 and the anthrax attacks that followed made it clear
that there are nefarious people out there," Dr. Myron M. Levine, who is
the regional leader. "We have also come to realize that we are extremely
vulnerable and to a great extent unprepared for biological attacks. It is
critical for us to develop preventive vaccines to protect ourselves."
Levine of the University of Maryland School of Medicine will be in charge of
the collaboration of 16 research institutions such as Johns Hopkins University,
University of Pennsylvania, University of Virginia, Georgetown University,
George Washington University, West Virginia University and University of
Pittsburgh. He will guide more than 60 scientists at three facilities in the
region.
"Its like being an orchestra leader," Levine said. "It's my job
to try to get everyone to play together to make a very special sound."
The regional researchers will study viruses that cause hemorrhage fever, such
as ebola and Marburg, and target E. coli and shigella, bacteria considered to
be threats because a small amount causes severe illness.
Researches will also design better diagnostic tests and needle-free
vaccinations for fast response to a biological attack or infectious disease
outbreak.
University of Maryland, Baltimore president David J. Ramsay said the university
has established itself as a national leader in homeland security and biodefense
research.
After the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, the Center for Vaccine Development had
clinical trials on the effectiveness of the nation's smallpox vaccine.
Eight centers, with a lead institute and affiliated schools, will share about
$350 million over five years.
The other centers are Duke University, Harvard Medical School, New York State
Department of Health, University of Chicago, University of Texas Medical
Branch, University of Washington and Washington University in St. Louis.
Copyright 2003 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not
be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
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